In the first of this 5-part video series on our 5 defensive states, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein, PsyD, CHT, explores the Fight defensive state: what it is, surprising ways it can show up in our everyday lives, and what you can do when you find yourself angry and you’d rather not be.

In the second of this 5-part video series on our 5 defensive states, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein, PsyD, CHT, explores the Flight defensive state: what it is, surprising ways it can show up in our everyday lives, and what you can do when you have the overwhelming urge to flee a stressful—or seemingly stressful—situation.

In the fourth of this 5-part video series on our 5 defensive states, Dr. Jeffery Rutstein, PsyD, CHT, explores the Attach defensive state: what it is, surprising ways it can show up in our everyday lives, and why we have a tendency to form unhealthy bonds after perceived situations of stress.

In the fourth of this 5-part video series on our 5 defensive states, Dr. Jeffery Rutstein, PsyD, CHT, explores the Attach defensive state: what it is, surprising ways it can show up in our everyday lives, and why we have a tendency to form unhealthy bonds after perceived situations of stress.

In the last of this 5-part video series on our 5 defensive states, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein, PsyD, CHT, explores the Submit defensive state: what it is, surprising ways it can show up in our everyday lives, and why we have the urge to appease others when faced with a threatening situation.

For thousands of years, we humans have longed for improved relationships, lasting happiness, and freedom from struggle, fear, and pain. Our collective craving has created no shortage of attempts to quench that thirst, including religion, philosophy, psychology, education, alcohol, personal growth workshops, and even dating apps. And yet, you may find that despite all of your best efforts you don’t feel better or that much different. Your happiness doesn’t seem to last, you may continue to struggle with connection and intimacy in relationships, and you may not be enjoying much ease in your life.

As therapists and helping professionals who work with victims and survivors of trauma, we are exposed to the palpable levels of suffering, struggle, shame, and despair that permeate our clients' lives. We sit and listen to their pain, their grief, and their loss. Part of our work is to hold hope and compassion for them, especially when they often cannot hold it for themselves. This work can be exhilarating and immensely satisfying, but it can also come with a cost.